Heartless girl

Hi, assalamualaikum uolls!

  Ok since this is the first post for 2015, I want to wish HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYSSS!!! (I wish its not to late to said this ) okla en daripada tak wish. So my story today is about my life. If u guys not interested to know about my life u can bla from this page. 

Act I know most of teenagers in this world would have this same feeling like me. Okla I nak tanya pernah tak korang rasa macam nak give up with your life? Ok I selalu rasa macam ni but I know its actually wrong but I can't stop my feeling to feel like this so ok. The thing is I'm not give up with my life I just give up to face all those people in this world. And sampai satu hari tu aku rasa macam nak duduk sorang sorang je dekat dunia ni. Cuba korang fikir balik kan at least kalau kita sorang je yang ada dekat dunia ni, kita tahu kita sorang. Kita cakap sorang, main sorang tidur sorang gelak sorang sebab kita tahu tak akan ada orang yang layan kita.Daripada kita hidup reramai but we still being ignored by people around us. Sometimes I felt like this world is so unfair with me bcs I can't get anything I want but why does people around me get their wish or craving so easy. So fast they can achieve their dreams. And I think maybe aku tak berusaha bersungguh sungguh. So one day I think I should change, I want to get an As in exam I must study really hard (I tried to study smart but I'm failed ok don't laugh) ok then sumpah I study really hard till I get not enough sleep (and not to forget panda's eye and eyebags appear at my face) but at least I got B's. Alhamdulillah I'm so glad that im improve but I think it will not last long so I give up to study really hard bcs its change my life into this word -> LIFELESS trust me if u study 24hours and don't have a time to hangout with friends, to have fun with your family or at least to get enough energy from foods so what u think? Lifeless right? Still tak pandai I juga. Then it turns normal life that I'm used to before this. The another things that I think I'm bad at "sociality" I'm tried to be friendly with people around me and even people at my social networks. But at the end they didn't treat me as nice as I treat them. They even ignore me but I look again and investigate the way they treat my friends is 1000x better. They  just like bff who know each other inside and outside. For example, went we do study group or just lepaking together or in whatsapp group, when my friend tell a story or made a joke they just replied so fast and layan je while when me made a joke or what they were no respond at all. If there is just a few and its just like " aku reply sebab aku bosan je kalau tak tak ada makna nya aku nak layan kau" and diaorg loves to bully me.  I'm tired to try till I terfikir yang "aku ni tak cantik that's why diaorg semua tak nak kawan aku" and I'm shame. Its is because I'm fat and ugly and stupid and poor and everything bad that u can think so they don't want to be my friends that the only reason that I think everyday and everynight. That's also the reason why im being so sensitive and emotional. I don't know to who I can talk to who I can share  this problem because I think it just a very the small problem that I can handle my self and I think kalau aku cerita pun mesti diaorg gelak and just don't take it serious. At last aku pendam sorang. And I'm always made a face like "aku tak terasa pun dengan perangai korg" so I just smile and laugh. I just don't know. This is one of the big problem I have in my life.  But right now I'm used to it. Its okay I must think positive that maybe my future will be alright. Ok! I think thats all for this entry. Thank you for spend your time to read my blog ! Much love - Qeelz  ✌